gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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