When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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