I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
