i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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