How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
