Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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