i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
