If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
