we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
