She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
