Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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