I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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