Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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