but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize