um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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