remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
