Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just had sex on a roof
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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