the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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