At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
