Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
