I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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