I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
