But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
