I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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