I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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