Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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