I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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