How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
