Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
