the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
COCAINE IS GR8
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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