Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
