You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
