my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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