I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
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It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
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If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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