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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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