You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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