You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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