i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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