One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
