You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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