I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You made out with two different species that night
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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