Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
