he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
