Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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