Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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