I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
we're so committed to being not committed
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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