And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
