hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
