i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
