I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
