so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize