I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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