Need sex. Gaining weight.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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