How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize