is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
