It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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