How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
