Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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