Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
