Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
