so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize