You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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