I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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