What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
