Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
