Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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