She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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