PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
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she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
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I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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