I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
