you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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