All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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