Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
