so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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