I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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