Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
