yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
