Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just want nice things and good sex
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
