My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
