I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
