he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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