Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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