it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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