i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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