woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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