Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
