Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
